Be The Parent

Sometimes parenting transitions are smooth and seamless. I wish I could say these happen more often than not, but in my 6 short years of parenting my experiences are leading me to think otherwise. A majority of the transitions are tear-filled on both the parents & child's parts. I got something that has motivated me to stick it out and probably the lamest piece of parenting advice you'll ever hear.

A dear friend shared this little tidbit with me as we were hitting some of the first transitions with Ella.

"You don't need to be your child's friend. You have plenty of friends and they will one day have plenty of friends, too. You are their mom (or dad). Be their mom (or dad)." 

Duh. Hand to forehead. So often I look at my parenting issues and I get the sassiness and disrespect from my children because the ship I run isn't as tight as it should be. Whether I am purposefully trying to avoid conflict or whether I inadvertently don't follow through; both lead to the same outcome. Forgetting you are the parent is cause for some serious issues.

It is so simple yet something we easily forget. We are so worried about scaring our children for life, or being cause for extensive counseling needs in the future that we sugar coat & protect them from everything and anything. Truth be told; your child will learn more from failing on their own than from you fixing all of their problems. Truth be told; if you don't want your child to use a pacifier, take it away & stick to your guns. You get to make the calls, and although there are plenty of long terms consequences to decisions you make; feel good, fluffy, friendly, muddled kind of decisions do not benefit the child or the parent. I'd rather be a mom with clear boundaries and unconditional love for my children, than one without boundaries and conditional based love.

If you find yourself wanting to rip your hair out & wondering who swapped out your well behaved child for a fire breathing, horn sprouting beast who spews nothing but disrespectful, disgusting hurtful things; remember this: you are the parent! Easier said than done, but one of those lightbulb realizations! It's helpful to remember your child isn't acting up as a personal insult to you, even though it may feel like it, this is all part of the natural process or growing up. They are searching out boundaries and developing their own little personalities; they need you to be a parent who will define those boundaries, reinforce them consistently and unconditionally love that child no matter how close they toe the boundary lines or how far they cross those lines.