Greener Grass

Lately, I find it difficult to tackle the greener grass mentality and by the facebooks & tweets that have rolled across my feed; it seems like I am not alone.

So many of my single friends are itching to find Mr. Right, while other married friends have a list a mile long with complaints and gripes against their Mr. (never-can-be) Right. Some moms can't get enough of the sweet giggles, smiles, coos, and hugs while others bemoan their misbehaving, sassy mouthed, disobedient genetic mutations every chance they get.

Truth be told, I covet my alone time. Whether it's watching the back of my eye lids or enjoying a cup of coffe at Starbucks & just a book or my computer; it's nice to not be responsible or needed by anyone, if only for a few hours. Countless times I've attempted to shed the extra pounds my poor diet choices have added to my waistline, but I've never been as successful as I have during my current fat buster mission (hitting the minus 50lbs marker!). Of course it's a lot of sweat and tears (haven't hit the blood stage yet), but compared to parenting 4 kiddos 6 years old and younger the treadmill, weight machine & bike kind of grass is sometimes greener.

In case you are thinking the 4 kids & a husband are really greener, let me fill you in on the reality of my grass. For the last year, I can count on 1 hand the number of mornings I have woke up to my actual alarm and not the crying hungry baby. I have to model Christ like behavior to those who spit, hit, kick, talk disrespectfully, fart on, throw up on, poop/pee on, wipe boogers on, cry on, & do countless other things you'd never imagine. And that's just all from my husband! Kidding ... really that's all my kiddos, minus a few of those.

It's easy to love on kids you see for a few hours here and there, but when you live 24/7 with children you begin to understand the true reality of sin nature. I rarely eat a hot meal, I usually have at least 1 & sometimes up to 4 visitors while I use the bathroom, I run my dishwasher at least once, usually twice a day, I do at least 2 sometimes as many as 9 loads of laundry a day, I vacuum once a day, I prep & cook 7 breakfasts, 7 lunches & 7 dinners a week. And really, I love my husband dearly, but like living with another human being 24/7/365 we get on each other's nerves. The dirty socks scattered around the house, the white spots on the bathroom mirror, the t-shirts inside the collared shirts when trying to toss laundry in, the whole "it's gluten free so it's healthy' ...

And really what is the significance of any of those complaints against my children and husband? When I am alone for longer than enough time to get a good night's sleep or tackle a growing to do list I get lonely. I miss meeting the needs of my children and husband. I miss the hugs, kisses, love, and fun we share as a family.

How can we tackle the grass is greener issue? Get away and check out the greener grass. No, not leave your family or spontaneously start a family; but make it a point to talk with someone who you think is living on the better side of the fence. If that someone is honest, I am sure you will see the reality of the other side.

Looking back at the last 30 years of my life, I spent a majority of those years wishing for the next stage in life to happen faster. To move out of the house and go to college, to graduate college and be a real adult, to become a wife, to become a mom ... I want to be intentional to live more in the moment. To enjoy my almost 1 year old and all her firsts instead of wishing she'd be hitting the next stage. To enjoy each day for the blessing it is. Live in the moment with the hope for a brighter future and a gratefulness for a blessed past.

Even in the storms of life I am going to choose to see my grass as the greener side.

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In other exciting news, I discovered a new parenting tool today ...

Yup, Connor better be on his best behavior, or else we might just have to visit the car wash again :)

Remind Me Who I Am

Just because I have 4 children doesn't mean I am a super mom, or a parenting expert, or have any parenting secrets, or even am head over heels in love with parenting. Truth is; I am far from super mom, I daily feel like an inadequate of a mother, I am an expert of more unsuccessful parenting techniques than successful methods, and as painful as it is to admit; sometimes I really strongly dislike parenting.

This winter has been especially difficult for my family as everyone has battled some serious illnesses. Appendicitis, pneumonia, ear infections, sinus infections, pink eye, strep throat, on top of the usual colds and stomach bugs have all been passed around the family. Until this winter I really have taken general health for granted. Our kids were rarely to the doctor for any visit other than the well checks. My husband is usually the grocery getter, errand runner, hard worker, kid energy releaser/daddy jungle gym; but has been out for the count after surgery and then had been traveling a lot lately.

Things seemed to hit the fan all in 1 day. I had Addy to the doctor only to find that my poor 11 month old had strep. In 3 days, Addy (and I) slept maybe 3-4 hours total and the other 68 hours were filled with tears, whining, moaning, groaning, fevers, baths, tylenol & exhaustion. My last straw was the boys fighting & yelling while I was trying to sort out the prescription mess at the pharmacy with Addy crying all but the last 30 seconds of the ride. I pulled in the garage and glanced back at 2 boys with heads flopped over and assumed Addy was sleeping since she wasn't crying. In that moment I wanted to toss the towel in; I wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and sleep. I knew if I would even breathe too loud; one of the beasts would awake and hell would pick right back up where it had left off. I had tears streaming down my cheeks and was pitty partying it up wondering how I'd get through the next 5 hours before I could even think of putting the older kids to bed. I fumbled for my phone, hoping I could lose myself on Pinterest or Facebook for awhile. Looking back at my pictures it seems I accidentally snapped my own picture. Before I deleted it, I thought how much that accidental picture really captured. I am sure to snap pictures of all the smiles, the firsts, the cutesy bath fun & sibling love. I've never purposefully snapped a picture of the kids tantrums or mom's breakdowns, though.

Then this song that has been my favorite the past few months came on the radio and it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Soon my tears turned from sad, angry, hurt, frustrated, annoyed, exhausted, defeated tears into grateful, blessed & dare I say, happy tears. The song itself isn't my favorite kind of music, but the lyrics are some of the most powerful ones I've heard. Some of my favorite lines from the song: "In the mirror all I see is who I don't wanna be." "When I can't remember what grace is." "Afraid I'll never be enough." "If I am your beloved can you help me believe it."

I sat in the van in the garage for 45 minutes while my kids were fast asleep. I spent the time praying for grace, forgiveness, for the ability to love and be loving even in such a sleep deprived emotional upheaval kind of state I was in. I thanked God for the 4 blessings I've been given and for picking out a husband who walks alongside me through the good and not so good things. I was reminded of something I've been talking to Ella a lot about lately. No matter how tired we are or what someone else does to us, we have to make the choice to respond out of love and in a way that would honor Christ. I wish I could say I live this out to a T, but this day was a pretty good example of how I fall to circumstances and let them dictate my reactions all too often. I hope my kids see that I am definitely not a super mom or a parenting expert, but that they see a mom who seeks forgiveness when she messes up, who seeks wisdom, grace & mercy from Christ and tries her best to live a life honoring Him. Even though I am far from inadequate on my own, in Christ I am a new creation and His grace is sufficient for even this mother of 4.

I am in awe of what 1 good night's worth of sleep and getting Addy on medicine has done. In just one day my baby went from this sad little peanut

Back to this smiley sweetheart  ...

"Mosh bater"

I miss having my best friend around & I miss the parental back up when under fire from the 4 short people who call me mom. Days like today, I really really miss the parental back up. I would have to check the video surveillance to make absolute sure, but I am about 95% Ella woke up spitting venom & fire with smoke billowing out of her ears, her lips were curled & growls were emitted throughout the morning. I couldn't even give her a treat without getting hissed at. Even with Grandma here the fire breathing creature that took over my daughter's body; didn't back down.

In addition to dealing with this authority hating, sibling hating, do anything hating young lady; I managed to fit in a quick trip to the Emergency room this afternoon after my fearless Connor "put a seed up in there." Turns out he didn't have a lodged foreign object in his ear, rather a foreign object punctured his ear drum. After some questions and digging around it turns out he tried "drinking his juice box in his ear." I guess he learned the hard way that ears don't drink. In addition to the punctured ear drum he also had a middle ear infection and is now on $116 medicine for. (Thank you Lord for good insurance)

It was one of those days I'd just assume forget. My parenting was less than stellar with limited patience, snappy responses, and I was extremely frustrated, stressed & annoyed. While I was working on cupcakes for the kids' Valentines parties, the fire breathing dragon was quiet, not picking fights with her brothers & being peaceful. I didn't dare ruin this so I didn't say anything and let her do her thing for a good half hour.

My dragonesque daughter had morphed back into the beautiful, caring, sensitive 6 year old she normally is. She lead me into my bedroom and told me to open the card on my pillow. I was less than thrilled to see she used (as in licked close) an actual envelope that had a prepaid stamp on it. But, when I translated what she had written on the inside all by herself tears streaked my cheeks and finally all was right in the Graf house, if only for a few minutes ....

"I love you Mom I am sre(sorry) for bying(being) so nobe(naughty) niks(next) tim(time) I wll(will) by(be) mosh(much) bater(better)."

Love Bug Cupcakes

These are the yummiest kind of bugs out there. Definitely not diet friendly, but the kids are excited to take these to their Valentines parties at school. Here's a quick & easy how to ...

Use regular cupcake wrappers along with a ball of a small piece of tinfoil 

Pinch the top middle of each cupcake liner, drop the tinfoil ball into the pockets 

Fill each cupcake with cupcake batter

Bake, remove & cool

Took a time out to take the 2 year old to the ER ... who knew sticking a juice box straw into your ear could puncture your ear drum & he also had an ear infection.

72 cupcakes baked & cooling

Cut a 1/2lb bag of shoe string licorice into 3/4th inch pieces

Use frosting to attach small round decorating pieces to the end of the licorice pieces

Use red, pink & black frosting to decorate these adorable love bugs. Push licorice antennas into the cupcake to secure